23 Things every Bong can relate to

-Pratap Kumar Das. 

It’s a saying that you can find a Bong every place you go to. We Bengali folk are indeed special and some characteristics make us a class apart. There are things which only we have gone through in our lives and the broad ‘Bong’ smile is testament to our amazing lives. Here’s celebrating Bong Power.

• Our food is never complete without ‘maach’ or ‘daal’. We ain’t the bland types. If you can’t spice up the foods, its not worth it. ‘Maach’ or ‘Maangsho’ bhaat is a must on Sundays.

• We are loud and we love it. Whenever we have to make a point, we make sure to say it out loud so that even the neighbors get a feel of our emotions.

• No matter what you do, how well you do, our dear parents are never satisfied. ‘Amar chhele kicchu pore na’(Our son doesn’t study a thing) is a universally proclaimed dialogue. You would find successful bongs in almost every field and yes ‘ora kicchu pore nai’.

• The story of our sweet tooth has spread far and wide. Give us Roshogullas and Laalmohons, and you will see the most focused people you have ever seen. No event is complete without doi-mishti. And no birthday is complete without a bowl of paayesh.

• We plan everything around Durga Pujo. Preparations start a month or two before the Pujo and the hangover lingers for another couple of months. We buy our best dresses, eat the best foods, and visit the best places around this time. No wonder why we can’t keep calm when Pujo is near.

• Ever thought why we are so good at comparing things and providing analogies…For us comparisons never end. The bong community believes in empowering you through a method of comparisons and more comparisons. ‘Or theke kiccchu sheekho’ (Learn something from him) is a line we would never forget till our deaths. Study, dance, singing, cooking, even walking are points of comparison. Pity us.

 

• The amazing bong-expression system. We are naturally flamboyant in expressing ourselves. A long breath, the deep taan and the hardcore workout of each facial muscle is exclusively our thing. The synonymous duolingo is our specialty. Raise your hands who haven’t heard of abor-jabor, mota-shota, chhoto-moto.

• An afternoon nap is our fuel. A kol baalish is our best friend.

• The big bong eyes. We love you ladies. It takes only a glimpse of those great gorgeous eyes to sweep you off your feet. 

• The curve of prosperity. Our tummies are just not an object of desire but a potload of many contributions. Have you ever taken a thought that how many ilisch maach, chickens, and rice servings are compressed there.

• We get to hear timeless lessons on time. The ‘chobbish ghonta’ philosophy is something which every bong is aware of. This ultimate truth of life is an asset passed from one generation to the next in pursuit of true happiness. The lectures on proper maintainence of time infact take away a large chunk of your real time.

• Every person at a party or event makes you bite off your shoes. ‘Amaake chinte perecho?’(Do you recognize me?) is the ragging question. You say no, and you are branded an Alzheimer’s patient. You say yes, and they fire a missile—‘Bolo to aami ke’(Then tell me who I am) and if you can’t answer you turn into a laughing stock. And then you have random people telling you-‘Tumi dekhi onek boro hoi geccho’(You seem to have grown up a lot) and you are like ‘Yeah man, I didn’t know I was destined to be a dwarf.’

• Your old clothes are the perfect nekras (poccha). And there your banyan goes ripping from top to bottom. A sacrifice made by the poor cloth in service to humanity. People learn recycling from us.

• You have a certificate name and a daak naam. 

• Family get togethers are incomplete without debates and grueling discussions on politics, sports, gold prices, and aloo-piyaajer daam.

• It may be a depressing rainy day for others but for us rainy days mean jhaal-pokora, labraa- khichodi and begun bhaaja.

• Our special Humor. Non-bongs may not get the real feel of it, but cometh the moment you have two bongs sitting together and you will witness a long lost brotherhood and laughs which even the deaf may understand. Our jokes never stop and we love making others laugh. 

• Our lives would be incomplete without Rabindra Sangeet, Bengali songs and traditional Bong idioms.

• We love gossiping. Talking about other people’s personal lives, their disastrous pics and incidents and laughing over them gives us an evil pleasure. Can’t help it guys.

• Either watch us getting ready for a party or a bollywood film. It takes a hell lot of time when we prepare to get ready for a big party or event. This dress or that, this necklace or that stone set, the eyeliner or the mascara. Add to it the loads of masala and confusion and you have a great recipe for a Bollywood movie.

• We love touring. Every bong Poribaar saves an amount for vacations. We love roaming places and clicking photos. Our albums are our treasure. Don’t blame us if you are envious.

• We love the smell of books, books and more books. Books are our best friends. We love making a collection. And we just can’t understand how some people survive without books.

• We have an inherent intolerance for ‘Natokbaaji’ and an even greater zero-tolerance policy for ‘bhool Grammar’.

Aamar Shonar Bangla

***Thanks a lot Sriparna. I may not know you but your post on Bong sentiments was sheer brilliance. It was one of the best, heart-touching and hilarious post I have ever read. Brought memories alive.